My last post was 5 months ago. That’s a long time. A very long time. Forgive me for my absence. But, I’ve been one heck of a busy bee. So much has gone on since my last update to our family’s adventure. We finished up another year of homeschooling, for better or worse. We got our camper, and were able to load it up with the things we felt were important. The house was all cleaned, things packed and movers have things being shipped. My last voice recital with my students is tomorrow. I will drop off my key to the birth center, and say farewell to all of my friends at our going away party tomorrow. But, nothing prepares you for the emptiness. That is an ache that simply never gets easy.
Walking through our empty home, I wiped tears away, and swiped at my offending drippy nose as I rehashed the momentous happenings of the last four years. I ran my hand over the kitchen counter that my children sat at for so many breakfasts. I walked through the school room, remembering the joy and the tears as we worked through lessons, or poured over experiments. I gazed into our bathroom and office and remembered beautiful times, sneaking away with my husband for a few precious minutes of quiet and kisses. I paced the living room thinking about all of the games, sleepovers, gatherings, and playing on the floor with a messy little baby. I made my way downstairs, and my breath caught in my chest looking at where I squatted down, and with all of the energy within my body and soul, pushed that beautiful little marshmallow out, over eleven pounds of sweet fluffy darlingness, on my floor, with tiny eyes, and back rolls. Standing up, I looked into each of the other bedrooms, seeing in my mind’s eyes the countless giggle fests, tickle fights, wrestling matches over barbie dolls, Legos or robot pieces. I even glanced in our laundry room, thinking of all the time I spent just pondering my navel instead of actually doing laundry. And let’s not forget that downstairs’s bathroom, telling my son to brush his teeth, and not get distracted by the air around him.
Oh, the pain is so real and so deep. But, God is faithful. And He has shown me something in my life. Before you can begin any good journey, you have to be willing to let things go in order to make room for new things. Perhaps in your life, that is a particular mindset. Or, maybe it’s tangible, like purging unnecessary housing items. Whatever you need to purge, whether it be mental, or material, be not afraid friends. God will never let you down. He will never take something away from you, unless He has even better plans for you. He loves you enough, to say ‘no’ or ‘wait’ even though we’d rather Him indulge us.
After exiting through our garage, I would not allow myself any more re-entries into our home. My oldest daughter went in to say her goodbyes though, as did my son, in his own way. We loaded the rest of our outdoor things, and away we went. It was a strange mix of loss and excitement. It will never cease to amaze me how God created us to be able to feel different emotions at the same time.
Pray for us, friends! Its going to be a wonderful adventure. I just know it! Our ferry leaves May 13, at 2am. I am more than willing to make time for you! And remember, don’t be afraid to let it go(cue ‘Frozen’ soundtrack now).
Memoirs of a Coastie's Wife 